You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
