I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
