at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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