went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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