I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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