I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize