Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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