if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
did i walk over a car last night?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have tasted many bathrooms
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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