I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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