Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize