nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
