Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My hand turned me down
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
