I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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