we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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