you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
