goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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