tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Randomize
