Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize