i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
