So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You pole danced in your parka.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
