i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
