I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
