ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
