if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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