I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
