when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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