because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
