Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
