Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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