well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
