You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
