We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
