I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
