Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Charlie_Sheen hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(313): View more from Michigan

My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...

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(512): View more from Texas

You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.

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(765): View more from Indiana

He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family

(812): View more from Indiana

Not even marginally surprised

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...

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(512): View more from Texas

It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends

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(310): View more from California

OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?

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(630): View more from Illinois

There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.

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