Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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