There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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