I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
