I just threw up on my dentist
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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