if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
