I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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