Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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