Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
