Me too!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
