Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
