Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
