I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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