Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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