Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
