On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
