Someone shit on the floor
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
