on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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