my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
