If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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