No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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