Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
