I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
