I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
