So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
