Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
