so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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