I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
