if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
