Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize