"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
