My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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