I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
