i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize