Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
