just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
