yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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