Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
