8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
