i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
