Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize