You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
