She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
