so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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