All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
