watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
