you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize