he told me I talked like a deaf person
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
me + whiskey = a bad person
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
