People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my being single is dangerous.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
