While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
