exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
