Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
