hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
