Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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