:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
