she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
