God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
either way he was missing a nipple.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
