she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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