Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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