laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
