...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
