The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
