FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
