Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
