This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
and she was petting her beer can
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
