Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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