You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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