Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
